Well, that didn’t last long. I appear to have redone my redo one day after posting it.
Here’s the thing – there’s a rhythm to a graphic novel panel that just isn’t there where you post all of the photos in a blog. So, take the first panel from On Our Own (which I didn’t change)
I very deliberately set it up so it was 3 good things to one bad, all of which could have happened on a single day. That calculation wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t had the idea of a “page” encompassing those four photos.
The second page keeps the pace, but changes the focus
Now the pace has sped up a little – the first three events could have happened in a few hours, as could the fourth (depending on how far she was travelling.) BTW, is any of this clear from the photos? So, on the first page, there’s a sick person in the fourth panel and some idea of happy play in the other three. In the second page, I tried to include enough of the clothing to make sure what was happening (sick person is running a fever, two other people make a phone call, then a new person packs her bags, and she arrives in the fourth panel.)
Now we get to first problem panel.
What the hell has happened to our pacing? Three of the photos *could* have happened in one day, but the fourth? Clearly the person who has died in the second photo could not have been buried already. So, that seems all wrong.
And the fourth panel?
Now we’ve somehow spread it out over at least a month (based on the eviction notice). And, wow, those girls sure have bounced back fast.
So, anyway, I think I was really rushing to get them placed in their trailer, but it really goes outside the bounds of the pacing in the first two pages.
So, I backed off and slowed the pace down. They’ll get to the trailer when they get there, and there’s no time for them to get someone buried in the first episode. I also won’t be able to spell out exactly who died, but that can wait as well.
Here, then, is the (hopefully) final version of the last two pages.
Same two pages are the same, here’s the new page 3.
and the new page 4
Now all reasonably within the bounds of a day or two, and I’ve gotten the characters to the point where they are on their own.
In lieu of a premise song (“here’s a story, of three girls named after plants . . .”), I’ve created a premise episode for On Our Own (used to be called Overhead). Done, naturally, in just hands. Well, actually, in hands plus some clothes, because I realized you couldn’t tell them apart with just their hands.
I promise no other episode will be so grim – I just needed to get all of this behind them so that they could move forward. By their next episode, they’ll have started to absorb it all, and they may even feel like dancing again.
So, anyway, here it is.